I look better un-naked...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
