i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
