youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
