I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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