Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
