Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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