I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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