dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
