Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
