Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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