She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
