My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
