9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
