Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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