Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
