I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
