My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
