I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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