Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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