I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
