i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
