im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
