Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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