At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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