If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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