she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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