hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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