And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
