just come out here and I will go home with you...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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