You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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