There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
