who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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