Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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