question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
