I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
