I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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