Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
