My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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