Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
