so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
