I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can Purell be used as lube?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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