I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I just put wine in my tea
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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