you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
