Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My breasts were aching with rage.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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