why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
