Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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