All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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