Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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