idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
