I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
