if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
