i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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