I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
