Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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