The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
